Transformers-Revenge of the Fallen: Impressions

The only problem with Michael Bay’s masterpiece, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, is that it is too full of awesome.

That’s a vague assessment, but it is a true one.  I09 has a much more elaborate and Freudian take on the movie, but I don’t really feel like thinking that hard.  The new Transformers is a good movie because it is completely and utterly an original monster.  You have never seen a movie like this before.  Ever.  There are robots the size of houses fighting each other.  And they aren’t just fighting each other.  They are beating each other to a point where I want to say that the violence is too much.  It is clear when you see the combat.  Autobots and Decepticons hate each other more than any two foes have ever hated.  They kick and claw and shoot with passion and lust in their eyes.  It is unreal to see and I almost peed myself.  I almost peed myself twice.  But, I don’t want to go insane too fast, and the action isn’t the only thing that makes it a good flick. With this movie, Michael Bay has solidified himself as being the only director that could ever do justice to Transformers.  There has to be a reward somewhere for that.  Spoiler ahead.  Lots and lots of spoilers ahead.

Continue reading

News Rodeo: Glenn Beck is Stupid, Plastic Hands, and Michael Bay’s Genius Brain.

I hate twitter, mainly because I cant text.  You know, cause of the plastic hand.  Dont judge me

"I hate twitter, mainly because I can't text. You know, cause of the plastic hand. Don't judge me"

Yep.  I am going to avoid saying, “The Revolution Will be Televised” because every talking head and pundit on the tubes has said that bullshit for the last few days.  However, it does look like we are seeing the beginnings of a different Iran, one where people wear lots of green and use twitter to the point of being pretty freaking amazing.  Yes, I’m fully aware that twitter and the internet helped these people communicate and organize.  I’m also aware that twitter fans have started using Twitter’s latest application as justification to post about what they are having for breakfast.  Yes, I do it too.  I can’t help it.  My life is more interesting than yours.  Anyway, it looks like the revolution is over.  Iran’s Supreme Leader has said that the election wasn’t rigged, if it was rigged, so what, and you guys lost so go home or we start shooting people in faces and other body parts.  Regardless of who is right and who is wrong, hopefully this can all end peacefully. Oh, and did you know the Supreme Leader has a fake hand?  I mean, how bad ass is that?  Anyway…

In other news, Health care. Obama wants to fix it.  Other people think it will cost way too much money.  Here is Rachel Maddow’s sexy ass talking about it.

And here is a complete moron chanting and speaking in tongues about 2012 and the Mexican End-of-the-World situation.  Oh, wait.  It’s just Glenn Beck.

Apparantly, if you have the stomach to watch that video, we are the losers with this health care plan.  I mean, I don’t want to lose my health care.  I don’t want my rates to go up.  I don’t want to pay for coverage I don’t need…wait…oh, I’m sorry.  I keep forgetting.  I’M POOR! I haven’t had health care since 2005.  I’m serious.  When I get sick, I take some aspirin, say a quick pray, and put a bunch of blankets over my head and sweat that shit out.  Man, Glenn Beck is a moron.

Let’s move on to something far more important.  Next week, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, finally comes to the big screen in all of it’s magnificent glory.  People can speak ill about Michael Bay and his genius brain all they want.  No one makes a better action movie.  How can you not want to see this?  They are giant robots on the screen.  There are giant robots hitting other giant robots!  It is everything I’ve ever wanted out of life and Michael Bay is giving it to me because he loves me so much.  I mean, look at this scene!  I want it inside my body!  I want it inside of me right now!

It is the small things that make you happy, that forces you to get out of bed and go to work and make that money.  Always remember:  We are Americas.  And we like cars and things blowing up.