Back to Work

That lateness of my blog posting is due in large part to the amount of brain energy that I’ve been trying to accumulate   Brain energy can not be created or destroyed. It can only be moved. Most of my brain energy was given, due to the details of my profession, to students who take my brain energy and throw it in the back seat of their car and then forget about it for a few months. Then they clean out their back seat and they find my brain energy and realize that they have absolutely no need for my brain energy and they throw my brain energy in the trash.  My brain energy is taken to a landfill and then decomposes over a period of a year or two. Then my brain energy travels back in time and is given back to me at the end of Winter break so that the cycle, the un-ending cycle of professing and being professed (professored) is uninterrupted.

My job is to teach people stuff over and over. One day I’ll be 90 and I’ll be teaching a group of students and I’ll have a heart attack and die right there.  I can not wait.

My winter break consisted of me not doing anything that caused my mind to think for more than three minutes. Here’s a dialogue I have with my mind, because I’m weird and I’m not the only person that talks to himself.

Me: Let’s read a book!

Mind: Nah, man. I’m not trying to be reading no book. We be reading books all semester. How about you just sit on this here couch and play some video games.

Me: This is the only chance I’ll have to read these books.  I got this new Pamuk book that I want to dig into.

Mind: What I just say? You deaf? I said that I don’t feel like reading no book. You and all these books you make me read. Can you eat books? Can you put a book on the grill and grill that shit? Cause, I mean, I’m sort of hungry so how about you order a pizza and watch “How I met Your Mother” for five hours straight. And you can stop thinking about taking a shower, cause I ain’t doing that either. You heard?

Me: I mean…

Mind: Huh?

Me: What?

Mind: Mm?

My mind, in need of a rest, forced me one day to wake up, take a blanket, lay on the couch and watch the Indiana Jones trilogy from start to finish, only pressing pause when we needed to pee or when we were hungry.  Finally, after almost a month of barely moving, my mind kicked the bed.

Me: Huh?

There was my mind, fully dressed and clean shaven, the bag packed for the day and a book in his hands.

Mind: I finished the book this morning. While you were sleeping. You lazy turd.

And my mind slapped my face, unforgivingly, unrelentingly.

Mind: Vacation’s over.

And that was it.  Me, wearing clothes that I don’t mind being seen in, working on a new syllabus and prepping for a new semester.  Because adults don’t complain when the alarm goes off. We get up. We clean up. We do our jobs. We rest when our graves are fully dug and digging a grave takes decades and they are only finished when we approve of the job and we say so.

Back to work.

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