I’ve been busy.
That’s not an excuse, but a reason. And, yes, I understand that it’s difficult to know the difference between the two. What’s the difference between an excuse and a reason? The excuse is usually bullshit and it’s made up. The reason is actually, you know, some grown up stuff you had to do.
Let’s talk about my week.
It’s been a good one, with some odd places where I didn’t exactly know the extent of when the week ended and when the week began. My days blend together, mostly because I have to plan so much for my classes (a reason) and because, you know, I have stuff to do. You know, to take care of things (an excuse). Getting up at 6am every day takes tolls, becomes heavy. But, I am beginning to understand what all older people usually understand. It’s easier to get up in the morning when you get older. I’m not sure why this is. Maybe it’s because you go to bed earlier, just because you’re old and tired. Or it might have something deeper to do with how we look at the world, us old people. We don’t want to sleep. Our dreams are no longer places we wish to be apart of. Children dream. Adults wake up and form our dreams into being, move the concrete with out hands. And then our hands bleed, but that’s fine.
I’m 35 now.
I’ve been 35 for almost a week and I can tell you that I don’t like it. I feel like I’m on the other half of my existence, that downward slope. You can say I’m being paranoid, but I know I’m speaking the truth to myself. 35 plus 35 is 70. And 70 isn’t young. At all. I’m headed in the opposite direction, man, and there’s no stopping this train. I liked being young. It was nice.
I had a birthday celebration and I’m relatively certain that I will never get that drunk again.
I realize that my students, some of them, read this. I should be an example to them, and I am. There is no one that enjoys life more than me. Children. If you are reading this, have as much fun as possible. There isn’t much time.
I’m rambling. Which is fine. This is my blog.
The Presidential election is cooking up and we are seeing them for who they are, the Republican candidates. One of them is a sleek business man who believes that he should be hired by the Americans to save the country from Socialism and return us to Capitalism, because Capitalism is so awesome. Just awesome. Another one believes that we should fend for ourselves and that the rest of the world can go suck a suck stick. Yet another one wants us to live on the Moon, because there are jobs there, and because the Moon is awesome. So awesome. And there there is Rick Santorum.
The reason why gay marriage keeps coming up and coming up and coming up is because there is an inconsistency in our society that is slowly, very slowly, breaking down. Eroding. The idea is that everyone is equal. That is how our society was set up. Everyone is equal. But. It wasn’t true. When the United States was formed, blacks were slaves. Once that was ended, it took a long, long time for Blacks to be “equal” and some would say that we aren’t there yet. Gays are next on the list. Don’t get it twisted. Gay marriage will be legal in this country. It’s only a question of when. The problem with Rick Santorum isn’t that he’s wrong. He’s just dated. His time is past. And, to be honest, we are all too busy to care who someone is sleeping with. At least we should be.
I’ll leave you with a short moment in my life. I was at my white board this morning, writing a lecture, and some of my students started laughing. I turned and asked what the deal was. They said nothing. So I turned back around and they laughed again.
“Ok, what’s up? Why are you laughing? What’s so funny?”
“Nothing,” one of my students said. “It’s not always about you.”
And at that moment, I realized something. It was like the concrete foundation was solidified. I could feel the foundation of my life becoming firm. Within those few minutes, I understand something about my self that I refused to ingest before.
“Yes, it is,” I said. As clear and crisp as a bell. And I completely meant it.