The Daily Daily: Renew your subscription to the Fire Department today! Or we will watch your house burn down and not do anything.

I’m just gonna slam you with the news hammer until your brain bleeds.

Michelle Bachmann, that weird thing running for President, said in an interview that her daughters can’t ask out boys.  Boys have to ask them out. And if boys don’t ask them out, then it is positive proof that they are ugly.  Thanks, Michelle Bachmann, for helping to push gender equality back another 2o years.

The Obama Administration rolled out new initivies to help Gay and Lesbian people in other countries, putting forth an obvious phrase: “Gay rights are Human right and Human rights are Gay rights.” The LGBT community cheered.  The other people that hate gays did not cheer.  And we all know what Governor Perry thinks of “the gay.” He doesn’t like it.  No, not at all.

The Health Department has decided that “Plan B”, or as we call it on the streets, The Morning After I slept with that dude but he didn’t use a condom and I might be pregnant Pill, can not or should not but it will not unless something changes, be sold over the counter. I mean, is that weird? Plan B over the counter, so anybody can just grab it? I don’t know how I feel about that, and I would love some insights.  If you’re over 17, you can get it without a script anyway, so maybe all of this is just a mute point.

And, finally, in Tennessee, Fire Fighters watched a house burn to the ground and refused to put it out because the homeowners didn’t “subscribe” to the Firefighter service.  No, I’m not making this up.

It’s a controversial policy that we’ve dealt with before. If you live in the city, you get fire protection but if not, you have to pay the $75 fire protection fee each year. With this policy, the city makes no exceptions. “There’s no way to go to every fire and keep up the manpower, the equipment, and just the funding for the fire department,” Mayor David Crocker said. And Crocker said by now, everyone should know about the city’s fire policy. “After the last situation, I would hope that everybody would be well aware of the rural fire fees, this time,” Crocker said.

This is the sort of world that many, many people believe we should have. If you want birth control, pay for it.  If you want trash pick up, pay for it. You want health care, pay for it. You get a flat tire, pay for it. You want an education, pay for it.  You want a fire put out? Pay for it.  You can’t afford it? Too bad. Capitalism works! Unless it doesn’t. Which it doesn’t. Happy Thursday.