Vanquish: Impressions

As video games go, Vanquish isn’t the best game.  But, sometimes, it peaks its head out and shows how it could have been an amazing game, the best video game you could imagine.  There was a moment, I was fighting this villain that moved and morphed and changed itself and was impossible to predict.  I had to think, use all the powers I had, change my weapons, toss grenades, all just to survive.  I enjoyed every second of it.  Then, a minute later, the character said the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.  A classic line:  “There’s nothing better in life than a cigarette.”  What?  What does this mean?  I mean, seriously?  What the fuck does that mean! That’s Vanquish.  The best worst game ever. Or the best worst game ever, depending on how you look at it.

I’ve been accused for loving bad games.  It is true.  I can’t help it.  Dark Sector. Splinter Cell: Conviction.  Hell, even Metro 2021.  I can’t help it.  Bad games are awesome.  You see the potential for amazing in them.  You see what they could have been.  Vanquish is no different.  The good of the game can’t be ignored.  You are a dude in a tech suit.  This suit makes you move faster and quicker.  You can use pretty much any weapon and you can “boost”, sliding across the floor like a speed skater.  You can also speed up your reaction time so that it looks like time is “slowing down”.  So, yeah, it is awesome.  You are shooting robots and big robots and robots the size of houses and it is really hard.  I mean, half the time I was hiding behind a way, hoping that the robots didn’t see me. That’s the good.  The combat is frantic and you barely make it out alive.  That’s the good.  The bad?  The worst writing of any video game that I’ve ever, ever played.  Here is some examples.

“I think I’m gonna need a bigger gun.”

“You’re a Marine! That’s means you get the mission done!”

“This is the end of my Presidency.”

“These guys are like roaches!”

The plot is worse.  The American government plans to start a war with Russia as a, and this is a direct quote, form of “Economic Stimulus.  I shit you not.  Economic Stimulus. The game never explains why Russians have robots, or why or how there is a major space station floating in space with thousands of who?  Russians? Who lives on the damn thing?  You never see any civilians and you barely know what the hell is going on.  Obviously, the story was second to the amazing graphics and action and game play.  But the story could have been better, and that is the annoying part.  Why ship a game that could have been much, much better?  Who let’s it ships?  And why?  Eh, whatever. Don’t pay full price for this game, but you should play it.  It’s fun.  That’s the point of video games.



3 thoughts on “Vanquish: Impressions

  1. Dude, cigarettes are good sometimes, especially after just killing a bunch of roaches with a big gun to complete a mission to end (or save?) the presidency. That’s when I usually light up.

    • Have you played this game? Half of the time I was rolling my eyes, the other half I was have the best time of my life. So conflicted.

      • No, not yet. I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t just a little intrigued. I’ve heard people say it’s a Japanese take on Gears, which is a game I have mixed feelings about already. But if it lets me kill stuff from cover without playing as a generic, brain-dead, disproportionate Marcus Fenix, then I might be all for it.

Comments are closed.