See that? That is a Dunkin’ Donuts that is standing the same distant from Ground Zero as the proposed Ground Zero Mosque. Thus, this is the Ground Zero Dunkin’ Donuts. Because this is the Ground Zero Dunkin’ Donuts, there are certain rules you have to follow if you want to get a iced-coffee from Ground Zero Dunkin’ Donuts.
-Only Americans. Period.
-Only non-brown Americans that aren’t Muslims.
-Only non-brown Americans that aren’t Muslims or stupid liberal hippies.
-Just No brown people, period. Just to be sure.
-Since most Americans are fat, only fatties. The fatter, the better.
None of this is true. Except that Dunkin’ Donuts is, like, a few blocks away from Ground Zero. I stayed a few blocks from Ground Zero once. We got really drunk. That’s right. I got really drunk less than a block from Ground Zero. They called me a Ground Zero Drunk. Not really. No one called me that. But I sort of wish they would have. Good Morning.