The iPhone 4 and Sex: The Meme of Sexual Gadgetry

Sex: There's an App for that.

As some of you know, I’ve been trying to incorporate Meme theory into my daily life, using the ideas of Memes and Thought Viruses as a way to understand my daily decisions.  I don’t have time to explain what a Meme is, really.  Read about it over here.  What I’ve come to quickly understand is that forgetting about Memes, completely forgetting the lessons learned, is a really simple thing to do.  Case in point: iPhone 4.  It happened when I was having lunch with a friend.  My phone wasn’t doing what I wanted it to do.  I wanted to take a link from a website, post it in Evernote, then send it to my computer.  My phone wasn’t having it.  My phone isn’t a small, silly thing.  It functions well and does almost all I desire a phone to do.  But there was something missing, a component that I couldn’t put into words until my buddy helped me.

“It isn’t sexy,” he said, going back to his lunch.

And that is it.  That is why, for the past few weeks, I’ve wanted one.  Damn me, but I’ve wanted an iPhone.  Let’s forget the fact that I rarely take phone calls.  People call me all the time.  I just don’t answer the phone. Let’s forget that I take my laptop everywhere or that this “Facetime” mess can go die, because I’d rather stick a needle in my arm than talk to someone face to face most days.  Let’s forget the fact that my current phone does all the stuff an iPhone can do, except it isn’t sexy.  Make no mistakes, iPhones are the cheerleaders, the hot, popular girls in High School that some how figured out how to get guys all wee-weed up over them.  All other phones are the regular girls with great personality and intentions, but couldn’t grow a pair of breasts to feed two new borns.

But Jarvis, you’re asking.  How can you hate on the iPhone and still love having a Mac?  Simple.  1, I don’t hate the iPhone, I just don’t need it.  2, Adidas makes wonderful shoes, but I’d rather not wear their tracksuits.  3, shut up.  At the root, Apple makes its money by making products that work fabulously and by making products that are drop-dead sexy.  I believe the iPhone is more sex than utility.  When people say they love their iPhones, it reminds me of that guy who loves his hot girlfriend.  Of course he does, she’s hot.  The act of sex is the same, however, from phone to phone. Sure, the iPhone might know a few more moves, maybe let’s you do things other phones would rather you not, but as soon as a more sexy iPhone comes along, this iPhone 4 is going up on Ebay just like the iPhone 3gS.  I tell my students all the time: You are being manipulated.  The Memes of the iPhone 4 are all stuck in the middle of your brain.  Accept it.  Enjoy it.  Know that they have infected me as well.  Yes.  Yes.  I’ll say it.  I WANT AN iPHONE!  There!  Are you happy!  And, no, I can’t get one!  My contract isn’t up until the next Presidential elections and my data plan is, like, under sixty bucks right now.  Add to that the computer I’m typing on cost as much as my first car and you can understand the problems we are facing in the world.  It isn’t fair how amazingly stupid we all are.

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8 thoughts on “The iPhone 4 and Sex: The Meme of Sexual Gadgetry

  1. Bahahaha! Fantastic post! Loved the analogies. Apple products are all marketed as sexy, but I got enough sexy to last me a while with my pretty white macbook. 😉

    Plus! I can totally play porn on my android phone, so that’s something…or is that my poor phone lowering itself to show me porn because it knows it can’t be as sexy as an iphone and it doesn’t want me to cheat on it?

    • The iPhone has been letting itself go? What if it went to the gym? Maybe got a new hair do or something?

  2. hahaha spot on! i completely agree, great post!

    this is so not meant to be bitchy but i noticed that in the third paragraph you typed “expect” instead of “except”. i notice these things, i can’t help it. if i had done the same i would want to know. i feel like a while back you said you wanted people to proofread your novel? i never responded but i would love to if you still need people.

    • Fixed and thank you. Sure, maybe. Send me an email and I’ll let you know. Thanks a billion-zillion.

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