The Best and Worst of the Best and Worst of 2009 part 1: Music

I have no idea who Lady Gaga is. So I put her name into the Youtube thingy:

What the hell did I just listen to?

I’m not sure if you call that mash of words and vocals music.  It sounds what I have always envisioned what the mating sound of cloned humans would sound like if we cloned humans and set them free onto the world.  It sounds like the noise a human being would make if, if they were cloned and never heard a word, would make.  It isn’t singing.  It is this…belching.  I honestly feel like I just witnessed a tiny child try and please her parents by belching out words.  So, yes, 2009 will teach us that, no, Lady Gaga isn’t music.  She isn’t.  I’m not completely sure that her language is our language.  Maybe she is sending out radio-waves to aliens in the past, using our technology as a vector.  Or maybe, and this is a bit far-fetched, but maybe if you put anything on a radio and repeat it over and over and over again then some house-wife in the middle of Utah will say, “Man, that Lady Gaga is a hit machine!” and then that is all it takes.  When the bombs drop, our current musical predicament will be the thing I least miss.

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