Good morning and welcome to yet another News Rodeo. The hot stuff for today? Those girls that got scooped up by the North Korean Poo-poo are free. Seriously. They are back home and hugging babies and kissing people and they did it because, well, because Bill Clinton is pretty much the Best Person Ever. From the Huffington Post:
The jet carrying Euna Lee and Laura Ling, reporters for Al Gore’s San Francisco-based Current TV, and former President Bill Clinton arrived at Burbank’s Bob Hope Airport at dawn. Clinton met with communist leader Kim Jong Il on Tuesday to secure the women’s release.
This is what happens when you don’t have a President who wants to blow everything up. Yeah, talking to North Korea and asking things from them might be a little dangerous. But, those ladies would have died over there. Twelve years in a prison camp isn’t like working at Wal-mart. They would be moving stones and shit with their teeth. Yet, even with all the good feelings floating around the Internet, some people just can’t be happy.
It is like watching a gang of chickens complaining about having feathers. I wonder if Fox news would like giving everyone a gun, handing out blindfolds, and then rub their hands together as the populace just murdered each other. Ugh, let’s stop talking about Fox news. They make my bowels move. In other news, a dude gets arrested for rigging up jail-bricks. That’s what we call gaming machines that play pirated stuff. And when I say we, it is really just me. From Wired:
A Southern California man was taken into custody Monday on accusations of running a home business of jailbreaking videogame consoles so they can play pirated games. Homeland Security authorities arrested Matthew Crippen, 27, from his Anaheim home following his indictment for allegedly breaching the Digital Millennium Copyright Act of 1998. The Cal State Fullerton liberal arts student is accused of hiring himself out to circumvent copyrighted encryption technology on Wii, Playstation and Xbox games.
The jig is up! The jig is up! Quick! Flush all your burned movies down the toilet! Here, girl! Put this burned copy of Bionic Commando in your panties! Put it in your panties! I’m heading to Mexico. If anyone asks, I am now Enrica Lopez and I work at the Tie’em Up Lounge in San Juan. And, lastly, did you know we are at war? Yep. The bugs. They are gonna kill us unless we nuke them first. From BBC News:
Whether its flesh-eating necrotising fasciitis or equine morbillivirus, in which the sufferer essentially drowns in fluid leaking from the lungs, infections – be they bacterial or viral – capture the imagination in a way that more workaday conditions such as cancer and heart disease cannot. They have been around some three billion years longer than we have, and are adept at changing and adapting to their circumstances.
I just hope that one of these bugs makes zombies so I can finally get my shotgun out and shoot them. What? Some people want to be doctors and lawyers. I want to shoot zombies. Don’t diss my dream, yo.