News Rodeo: Glenn Beck is Stupid, Plastic Hands, and Michael Bay’s Genius Brain.

I hate twitter, mainly because I cant text.  You know, cause of the plastic hand.  Dont judge me

"I hate twitter, mainly because I can't text. You know, cause of the plastic hand. Don't judge me"

Yep.  I am going to avoid saying, “The Revolution Will be Televised” because every talking head and pundit on the tubes has said that bullshit for the last few days.  However, it does look like we are seeing the beginnings of a different Iran, one where people wear lots of green and use twitter to the point of being pretty freaking amazing.  Yes, I’m fully aware that twitter and the internet helped these people communicate and organize.  I’m also aware that twitter fans have started using Twitter’s latest application as justification to post about what they are having for breakfast.  Yes, I do it too.  I can’t help it.  My life is more interesting than yours.  Anyway, it looks like the revolution is over.  Iran’s Supreme Leader has said that the election wasn’t rigged, if it was rigged, so what, and you guys lost so go home or we start shooting people in faces and other body parts.  Regardless of who is right and who is wrong, hopefully this can all end peacefully. Oh, and did you know the Supreme Leader has a fake hand?  I mean, how bad ass is that?  Anyway…

In other news, Health care. Obama wants to fix it.  Other people think it will cost way too much money.  Here is Rachel Maddow’s sexy ass talking about it.

And here is a complete moron chanting and speaking in tongues about 2012 and the Mexican End-of-the-World situation.  Oh, wait.  It’s just Glenn Beck.

Apparantly, if you have the stomach to watch that video, we are the losers with this health care plan.  I mean, I don’t want to lose my health care.  I don’t want my rates to go up.  I don’t want to pay for coverage I don’t need…wait…oh, I’m sorry.  I keep forgetting.  I’M POOR! I haven’t had health care since 2005.  I’m serious.  When I get sick, I take some aspirin, say a quick pray, and put a bunch of blankets over my head and sweat that shit out.  Man, Glenn Beck is a moron.

Let’s move on to something far more important.  Next week, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, finally comes to the big screen in all of it’s magnificent glory.  People can speak ill about Michael Bay and his genius brain all they want.  No one makes a better action movie.  How can you not want to see this?  They are giant robots on the screen.  There are giant robots hitting other giant robots!  It is everything I’ve ever wanted out of life and Michael Bay is giving it to me because he loves me so much.  I mean, look at this scene!  I want it inside my body!  I want it inside of me right now!

It is the small things that make you happy, that forces you to get out of bed and go to work and make that money.  Always remember:  We are Americas.  And we like cars and things blowing up.


8 thoughts on “News Rodeo: Glenn Beck is Stupid, Plastic Hands, and Michael Bay’s Genius Brain.

  1. Sorry, I tried to watch the Glenn Beck clip but couldn’t. You know, yesterday I somehow managed to get a Jonas Brothers song stuck in my head all day. Yeah. Believe me, I was as horrified as anyone else would be. And that was actually not as painful as seeing a few seconds of Glenn Beck. Ugh.

  2. Glenn Beck actually causes me to use the bathroom. They should market him that way. Glenn Beck: The Stool Mover.

  3. According to a new U.S. Census Bureau report, the number of uninsured people in America has increased by 1.3 million to 46.6 million, including 400,000 more children. We need health care and we need it now.

    on to important stuff, Jarvis, stop all that mental masterbation with Transformers 2, it’s turning me on. I’m having a tough enough time wating for the movie as it is.

  4. We have nationalised healthcare in the Britain, and I am so thankful for it.

    That Cuba jibe that Beck makes at the end? I can’t tell you how stupid that looks to me, living with “socialised” medicine every day. The National Health Service is one the best things we’ve ever had in Britain. Not even the most right-wing parties dare touch it because it’s so popular.

    It has huge problems, specifically the postcode lottery and waiting lists, but those are entirely solvable, it will just take some time.

    I think in the short term, introducing a national healthcare system in the US would prove extremely unpopular. The right-wingers would hate him for it. But in fifty years I think people would look back and be glad he did it. Just be sure to learn from our mistakes – mismanagment has lead our NHS into debt and we really do need a better government to sort it out now. But the system, fundamentally, is pretty darn cool.

  5. Just the idea that I can go to a doctor when I’m sick sounds amazing. Almost like a dream…

Comments are closed.