News Rodeo: April Fool’s edition, but there are no April Fool’s Jokes. All this crap is true.

The latest cigarette tax comes down today!  Yes!

The cigarette excise tax that tobacco companies must pay the federal government rose Wednesday by 61.6 cents per pack, or $6.16 per carton. The tax now comes to about $10.10 per carton, or $1.01 per pack.

The taxes are going to help the children, as they most always do.  Here is my question: Who is still smoking?  I’ve spent a large part of my life around smokers.  I know how they think and I know what they love.  Smoking to them is a right, a certain pleasure that can’t be taken away and can’t be denied.  But, seriously, you guys do know it causes cancer.  Right?  You have to know it causes cancer.  It does.  It causes so much cancer that people die and stuff from it.  So, I mean, will this new tax and the price increase stop people from smoking?

If the increase does scare off customers, 83-year-old Gloria Egger isn’t likely to be one of them, she said. She said she’s upset at the government for raising the tax, but Egger, who has been smoking since she was 18, isn’t likely to quit. “I think it’s ridiculous. … They’re picking on smokers,” Egger said at the Denver store, where she bought two cartons Tuesday. “I think they’re trying to run the tobacco companies out of business. “As old as I am, I’m not going to quit smoking, regardless of what they do.”

Wow.  Let’s not think of this as a cigarette tax.  Let’s think of this as a, “You’re a complete moron” tax.  It will help you get through the day a little bit easier.

Also in the news today, not surprising a damn person, people are protesting the G20 summit.  Here’s a video, where a huge poster that says, “Abolish Money” is flying and dudes are asking, “Who’s Street?”  and people are saying, “Our streets!”  Also, cops with yellow vests don’t look that threatening.

Guardian reporters at the scene have witnessed a handful of arrests, and the Metropolitan police have confirmed that 11 people who turned up at the protest in an armoured personnel carrier were arrested in connection with the possession of police uniforms and road traffic offences. The arrested activists are understood to be anarchists known as the Space Hijackers who had come to make their feelings felt through the medium of street theatre.

Space Hijackers. Man.  I miss the days where I had the time and the passion to do anything more than work, blog, and make up my bed.  And I don’t even make up my bed every day.  Finally, the corruption charges against ex-senator Ted Stevens, all of them, every single one of those charges, are going to be dropped.  The US is dropping them.  Like, all of them.

Yeah.  Thats right. In your face.

Yeah. That's right. In your face.

The Justice Department said Wednesday it would drop corruption charges against former Sen. Ted Stevens because it withheld evidence from the senator’s defense team.

The reversal is an embarrassing black eye for the Justice Department, which won a conviction against the Alaska Republican in October and is now asking to overturn it. [Stevens] was convicted of seven felony counts of lying on Senate financial disclosure forms to conceal hundreds of thousands of dollars in gifts and home renovations from a wealthy oil contractor.

Here it is, children.  That it is right there.  If you are, or ever have, been rich and a politician, it is impossible, nigh unimaginably impossible, to get into trouble over anything.  Like we didn’t know that already.  Have a good April Fool’s day.


4 thoughts on “News Rodeo: April Fool’s edition, but there are no April Fool’s Jokes. All this crap is true.

  1. If it was up to me, if you have smoked for more than a year in your life, you should be denied Cancer treatment coverage if it were up to me…

    And I do agree with your definition of it being a “You’re a complete moron” tax.

  2. I love how the word “moron” is in oxymoron. Cause, you know, it usually deals with moronic stuff.

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