Life After the MFA: Stop Watching the News

It might seem funny to you, Ms. Maddow...

It might seem funny to you, Ms. Maddow...

It’s not that I don’t love you, Rachel. Ms. Maddow? What should I call you? And Keith? Mr. Olbermann? Listen, I think you are a cool dude. I have no problem with you at all. But, I mean, every time I come visit you guys, you guys are talking about some foul stuff. Like, whenever I click on the television, you are shouting at people. All the time. I turn on Morning Joe and there you are, Joe and Mika. And, that early, I really just want to see if Mika is showing any cleavage. Sometimes, yes. Sometimes, no. Why else would I turn it on? Joe Sarborough? That head is so big, his neck muscles must be massive. And they are yelling. About everything. I can’t take it.

And, hey, it isn’t about you. Well, yes it is. And I know I liked you guys back in August, September and November. That was doing the election. I was waiting to see how it all would end. I needed to know how it would all shape out. Would Obama win? It was some serious drama and I was an addict. I understand that. But, now, all I see is, you know, hey, these people are broke. These people don’t have a job anymore. 3% of the DC population have AIDS? Really? Wow, I didn’t know that. More important, I really didn’t want to know that. There in is the problem. You keep telling me stuff I don’t want to know. I don’t need to know the economy is bad. I mean, I know it is bad. I knew a year ago when I started looking for a job. How come you didn’t tell us anything back then? And how come you guys keeping making all these damn maps? Like, the other night, I was on CNN and there was a guy, I’m serious, with a map showing people where the jobs are and aren’t.

Stop looking at me like that!

Stop looking at me like that!

Like, hey, look, I live there and there are no jobs. Great. I can stop looking. Thank you. Do you see where I’m going with this? CNN and MSNBC? I can’t watch you anymore. Chris Matthew spitting all over the pundits, with the pundits screaming back? Its not interesting anymore. It isn’t funny. You guys are telling people not to freak out about the economy. You guys are saying, just hang in there. You will be OK. How can you guys tell me about the economy when you have jobs that afford you neat stuff like health insurance? Remember health insurance? I’ve heard cool stories about it. You go to the doctor and they make sure you aren’t sick? That sounds cool. I can’t trust major news people to understand what is going on with our lives. I’m sort of tired of guys with nice suits and cool hair cuts looking at me and my people, showing our lives, using glowing maps and charts. I’m not a number on a chart. I’m a real person with real problems. We all are. And I’m a little tired of you guys treating us like we don’t matter. Hey, guess what? We know we don’t matter. We don’t need you guys to remind us of that.

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3 thoughts on “Life After the MFA: Stop Watching the News

  1. thanks to pat buchanan’s gaudy, yet stylish, green tie, i remembered today was st. patrick’s day. i def. stopped watching olbermann and maddow after nov. 4th, but i still like me some crazy chris matthews. and, as noted, morning joe is always on while i’m gettin’ ready to head out for me schoolin’. also, i stopped watching cnn once they changed their interface. which was about the same time rick sanchez started being that creepy guy, who, in fact, started the media-twitter sensation about 2 months before the media-twitter sensation. the facebook and myspace game, however, didn’t catch on with the rest of the pundits.

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