Most people have no idea how insanely screwed up Alice in Wonderland is as a book. Most don’t care. Well, hey, guess what. I do care. We read this crap to our children, then wonder with huge eyes and opened hands why they do drugs. It makes absolutely no sense to me. What does make sense to me is Tim Burton remaking the the story into a movie, and casting his bromance-partner Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter. You don’t believe me? F-you.
Through his three decades-long career, Depp has frequently disguised his good looks for a variety of characters, including Edward Scissorhands and Captain Jack Sparrow in the Pirates Of The Caribbean movies. Alice In Wonderland started filming in Cornwall earlier this autumn, with a relative unknown taking the lead role as fantasiser Alice. Mia Wasikowska, 18, from Canberra, Australia, will be playing Alice, alongside Anne Hathaway as the White Queen. Burton has also cast his real-life partner Helena Bonham Carter as the moody Red Queen.
There you have it. Before this movie comes out, please read the book. I know that reading makes your small brain bleed. Just buy the book and press it to your face. No, it isn’t the same. But at least you’re trying.