We love women. How can we not? Women are so cool, so amazing that we don’t want anything to do with them. Now, ladies, before you start throwing rocks, remember that getting a woman pregnant is one of the best gifts we can give. When we picked out list, we considered many things. How cool was the movie they were in? Do they say crazy things? And, if we saw them out in the street, could we talk to them? Like, could we say, hey girl. What you up to tonight? Let me buy you an ice cream. Any flavor you want. That’s how balla we are. And now, the 2008 top 5 women we would like to get preggers.
Number 5: Olivia Wilde. Man, she is so fine! But its not just her angel-like face. It is her skills on the uber-awesome House. If you don’t know, House is about a bunch of doctors that usually screw their patients up a bunch until they are fixed. Sometimes they die. Olivia Wilde’s character is super cool because she’s got this nasty disease and she still has to try to save lives. Good stuff. I’m eager to see Ms. Wilde in other fictional situations, like a great movie role or as the mother of my children.
Number 4: Lena Headey. You probably aren’t watching Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. You aren’t watching it because you have no tastes. The show is about John Connor trying not to be murdered by robots, as his hot-ass mother tries to raise him right. Lena Headey does an amazing job being tough and anal, while at the same time, she has an untouchable sexiness that you can smear on bread and eat it all up! She makes me want to do push-ups, run a mile and take up kick-boxing. She also makes me want to buy diapers, paint up and fix a baby room, invest in the future-babies college…
Number 3: Natalie Portman
Ah! Like a refreshing glass of whiskey. What is cool about Natalie Portman? Could it be that she’s super-smart? Is it how she picks some amazing movie roles like Closer? Did you see her walking at the end of Closer? Man! Did you see her in the Star Wars movies? Uh, yeah, let’s try and forget about that. Natalie Portman has been a gift from heaven ever sense she showed up in the Professional. That fact that she hasn’t completely ruined her career and that her career is even better? Hang on, I have to go buy some fertility pills.
Number 2: Megan Fox
Come on. Don’t look at us like that! We all need a bad girl. They are fun, for the first few days. Then they get bored with us. Bad girls are great because you know the fun is going to end, so you tend to have as much fun as possible. There is no badder of a girl than Megan Fox. She’s just mean. Look at her! She’ll turn
around and leave you when you go shopping at the mall. Her role in Transformers helps her in this regard. She works on cars. She’ll have our children and I’ll take care of the babies while she changes the oil. Nice.
Number 1: Jennifer Connelly!
They come. They go. And they come and go again. And then, there is the wonderful, beautiful, brilliant Jennifer Connelly. Hey, Jennifer. How are you? I’m fine. I was just wondering if you wanted to have a few babies with me? Yeah? Awesome. We like your work on Dark City, Dark Water, and all those other movies. We are really excited about The Day the World Stood Still. We are also excited about us growing old together. Man, if life could only be that awesome.