Election 2000-Ugh!: How do you get your news?

In these difficult times, where a black man is finally having an honest attempt to be the Biggest Boss of the World, you have to be careful what news channels you watch.  Go ahead and kick that “Unbiased” crap out of your head.  You want people to take sides, especially with an election as important as this one.  But you know what?  That’s why you check out my blog! I guess.  What other reasons do you have?

MSNBC: For political news, they are pretty in the tank for Mr. Obama.  Sure, they have that horrible morning show, Morning Joe, with that guy who yells at people and constantly want answers, RIGHT NOW, for major problems that take years to fix.  But you also have shows like Countdown, which is great, and Hardball, which is greater.  Slowly, we are warming up to the Rachel Maddow show.  The slant for her show is rediculous, but she’s so intelligent that its hard not to see her side after a few minutes.  If you like voting on the left, check MSNBC out right before bed.  It will make you feel good.

Fox: On the right, and I mean goddamn right, we have Fox.  The Fox and Friends might be the worst thing that God ever created.  I mean, if we had to choose between all of us having AIDS and getting rid of Fox and Friends, I vote sending Fox and Friends to the outer-reaches of Pluto.  And Pluto isn’t even a fucking planet anymore.  That and the amazing Bill O’Reilly show could be all Fox needs to promote it to the Worst Shit Ever hall of fame.  I mean, Bill O’Reilly loves himself so much that he somehow found a way to have anal sex with himself.  That’s just a rumor.  You know how the internet is.  You have to love Fox, though.  They are the only people left on the planet that not only thinks McCain might win, but that the bald bastard and his wolf-shooting sidekick actually should win.  For insane right-winged freaks of nature only.

CNN:  They’ve been dubbed the “mainstream media” but CNN is pretty much in the can for only itself.  I can’t really remember the last time CNN had Obama or McCain on the air.  Or, when was the last time they actually had anyone on the air besides their regulars?  Sure, they gay-guy Anderson Cooper is a cutie, but so are actual Senators and people.  CNN is so even-in-the-middle that its pretty much boring.

My advice?  Read the paper, watch all the channels and basically don’t sleep until November 4th.  Its the only real way you can be sure you won’t miss anything.