Nightlife: Top Ten…

You can see this live on or the Thursday paper…

By whose authority can I judge and critique our nightlife scene?  My bar tab last weekend was sixty-five dollars over the course of three hours. That’s my authority.  If I bought you a beer when I was drunk, you’re welcome.

Ten.  Bars would aim specifically for specific cliental.  This isn’t segregation and it isn’t a form of economic racism.  It is good business sense.  Bars are loosing money by not catering to a certain segment of the population, mostly older people.  I’m tired of hitting on twenty-one year olds, and I’m sick of fifty-five year olds hitting on me.  The idea of “Latino” or “Black” clubs disgust me.  But there aren’t many places for single professionals.  There are too many for trendy post-teens.

Nine.  Bars need to stop using those stupid “iTunes” jukeboxes.  Really.  Just stop it.  You know those jukeboxes that are hooked up to the internet?  And you can pick any song on the planet.  Stop it.  Those are the stupidest things I’ve ever seen.  One way a bar builds its character, its personality, is by having a cool jukebox.  Making a decision isn’t hard.  Put good CDs in the thing.  I shouldn’t have to suffer because some jerk wants to hear every Grateful Dead song ever written while he drinks his Bud Light.  Who ever invited internet jukeboxes needs to be punished.  With rocks.

Eight.  Stop with the televisions.  Really stop those too.  I know the game is playing, and people want to watch it.  But it would be nice if more bars were brave enough not to have a boob-tube blaring all the time.  We might actually talk to each other more.

Seven.  Kick more people out.  The bouncers of most bars do their job.  I think they should do their jobs a lot more.  If I can recognize when a dude is too drunk for another beer, then the bouncers should.  If I were a bouncer, I’d kick people out just to show them I could.  But, I’m sort of mean.

Six.  No more college nights.  Let’s stop these silly, “Ladies get in Free” rules, too.  Aren’t we over that yet?  I mean, aren’t we?  Hey, college dudes.  That girl that you bought drinks for all night?  She doesn’t love you.  She doesn’t even like you.

Five.  Happy Hour.  I know.  I know.  This is against North Carolina law.  Bars in our state can’t reduce the price of drinks for our after-work enjoyment.  If I had my way, man would Happy Hour be the best of hours.  It is sad that I have to fly to another part of the country just to get a drink special at five in the afternoon.

Four.  More and Better Music venues.  Yes, I do like the Soapbox.  I also like pizza.  Do I eat pizza all the time?  Well, yes I do.  But I do get sick of it.  Well, not really.  You know what I’m trying to say.  I would love another music venue in town.  And I would love it to be big, and not downtown.  A place to watch live music closer to the college would be well received.  Or, maybe the other music venues should actually try to get bigger crowds.  Competition makes every thing better.  Even pizza, if that’s possible.

Three.  More movie nights.  There are a few, private places in town that do dedicated movie nights, where they show different films and shorts.  More places should do the same. Years ago, the old Skylight use to have movie nights every Monday.  I saw “Heat” on the big screen for free.  Cool little things like that are appreciate by the community.  Everyone loves movies, and you can never show enough of them, with enough variety.

Two.  A better taxi system.  At two a.m. at the beach or downtown, I should walk out of a bar and run straight into a cab.  I shouldn’t have to call for one, and I shouldn’t have to wonder how to get one.  Quick, tell me where the cabstands are.  Do you even know?  That’s a problem.  Taxi companies, for real.  You guy don’t like making money?  Trust me, ladies and gentlemen, you don’t want to know how many people drink for four hours straight and then drive home.

One.  Krispy Kreme.  Downtown.  Late night.  I have a dream.  I dream that I can walk down the street after a late night and get a hot doughnut.  We can put people on the moon, but we can’t put a Krispy Kreme on Front Street?  Something’s not right here.

Ok, now for your homework.  Email me your top five list.  I made it easy on you.  I thought up ten and all I am asking for is five.  I’ll even post some of them here.  Wait. Hang on.  I feel a disturbance in the force.  The “Hot Now” sign just came on.  If you’ll excuse…